By Ebenezer
“Why are you so sluggish in bathing quickly is it your fat body that is causing all this, why all these stretch mark…. why all these.” He will say to me.
Most times I will try to ignore and sometimes I will try explaining to him that it was not my fault that my body keeps adding more fat and weight but he will not listen he terms it as my habit of eating too much,
I tried using the gym most times just to show that I am trying my best to make him happy but he did not appreciate.
“I don’t think you can follow me to my friend’s birthday party, as I can’t imagine what they will say if they see you, this is not the woman I married back then,” Jude said to me one day as we were preparing to leave for his friend’s birthday.
“But what is wrong, Okay, I have a waist trainer at home I will use it, don’t be offended” I would try and beg him.
We will seat in the car but the bad thing he does was to compare me with other ladies that he sees on the road while driving.
“See that woman now with four kids, see her body in good shape but some people just have one and they are turning to another thing else what if they now give birth to four children also, only God knows how they are going to cope.” Jude said that day.
I felt embarrassed and reduced that day but just to prevent another show, I was silent all through just to avoid another showdown of beating even though a blind man would know I was not happy as my face was sore,
Throughout the party it was name calling comparing to the wives of his friend that were around, I tried to stomach it but could not and this made me leave him on the table that were sitting to another place, Although, he came to meet me over there but I rejected his attempt to touch me or even say a word.
After the party we went back home arguing on things that were not necessary, this argument affected our child who was just three years old that he began to cry. I was even trying to tell him to stop but Jude was adamant and would never listen.
Lest I forget, he loves to enforced his will and decision on me, most especially when he wants to have affairs with me, most times It is against my will.
“Are you going to deny me my right as your husband” He will ask me.
“No one is saying that here but I am kid of tired and stressed out please bear with me, I will tell him, instead of him to listen to me, he will start abusing and saying he was suspecting me if I am loyal to him or I am seeing another man outside.” He will say to me
“How would you say that to me, you should know that I was busy throughout today and that has caused my weakness, I asked you to help me out but you claim it is my duty and not a man’s work,”I said to him.
‘Oh, that is nice, so I should be the one cooking for you in the kitchen just because you want to have rest, I should carry the child because you are tired, you should have turn me into a woman then, nonsense” Jude will reply me like that whenever I tell him I was weak.
It kept on going like this everyday, I was abused mentally, emotionally, and psychologically that I became detach from my husband who was not even moved by what was happening. He began to spend more time outside complaining that his business was not moving. I tried to help him see reasons that keeping late at night would not solve the problem but he will not listen.
To worsen the situation, he began to take alcohol, at first he claimed that he was relieving himself of stress and that he would stop, I prayed, told his parents to speak with him but he became a heavy drinker as he would come home smelling and stinky.
Jude believes that I was just in the house as a wife and had nothing to do with me, he has chains of girlfriend and flirts a lot even to my face and anytime he feels like having anything to do with me, it was brutal and with force.
“Jude this act needs to stop, your son is longer having intimacy with you, you are behaving like a stranger here, why are you like this, you have to retrace your step please, be the man I knew that I fell in love with and not the kind you are doing now…please you have to change, let me have my husband back” I pleaded with him.
But that day, I regretted for saying that, it was physical battle that led to exchange of blows, he slapped me and I retaliated with mine, he was shocked, he was then annoyed and he began to kick me in my stomach, I was able to withhold all the pains I was having as I moved to him and pushed him down with force, but It was a mistake , he slipped and hit his head on the ground, from there he bled till he lost consciousness .
“Fred, Fred, I began to shout that fateful day, but thank God for the timely intervention of one of my neighbor that helped in putting him in the car and took him to hospital.
It was a pain moment because both of us were admitted, I have injury due to complications from the kicks and blows I got from him but still I was praying that he will not die. I was not myself that period as I made up my mind to issue him a divorce letter. I had thought over it several times but this time there was no going back, I had concluded, so nothing can stop it.
“Mama, I am giving Fred a divorce paper, it is better to be separated than to be with a man that will kill me” I said to my mother who came to greet us at the hospital.
“Ah, abomination, in our fathers’s house we don’t do such, a woman must stay with her family no matter what” my mother said to me.
“I should stay and die, is that what you want” I asked her.
“Not like that, you see what will the people say, what will society say, you are leaving your husband house to your own place, abomination” My mother said.
“But see the suffering I am undergoing, this is the seventh time I will be having miscarriage and undergone operations five time, mama, please let me serve him divorce notice” I explained to her.
“You want to give yourself a name in the society, dear, please don’t do so” My mother begged me.
I just kept mute and later agreed not to give him but with the warning that anytime he raises his hand on me again, I will do that, But I made a serious mistake, I should have grab that opportunity…something later happened.
Find out in the next episode.
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Your lovely author Ebenezer.
We are not just telling stories, we are changing lives…
MY MARRIAGE DIARY – Episode Six (THE END )
I just kept mute and later agreed not to give him but with the warning that anytime he raises his hand on me again, I will do that, But I made a serious mistake, I should have grabbed that opportunity…something later happened.
Seven months after we left the hospital, I was in the sitting reading a newspaper heavily pregnant with my second child which the scan had revealed to be twins, when I heard a knock on the door. Immediately I dropped the newspaper and went to the door but when I opened I saw a pregnant looking lady asking for my husband.
“Hello sister, hope there is no problem” I asked her.
“No problem, it was your husband that asked me to see him today at this address” She replied me.
I thought she was just the few ladies that he had shown help to but I was wrong, my instincts were not failing me, how can my husband ask a pregnant lady to wait for him inside our house while he did not mention anything to me about that, I was suspicious but I was in darkness.
“No problem, you can come in” I ushered her in and made her to sit down.
“So please who are you to him” I asked her
“It is simple ma, it was your husband that gave me this pregnancy” She said to my face although she was facing ground probably she was thinking of how I will take the news.
I laughed at her saying she should stop the costly joke that it was too expensive and I was not buying that.
“You mean my husband impregnated you” I asked her again.
“There is nothing to hide about in this, it had been almost two years that we have been together, he told me that he was yet to marry and when I knew he had a wife, I was already pregnant. Although he suggested that I should abort it but I told him we don’t abort in my family, it is a taboo.” She explained to me.
It was as if my world was coming to an end, I could not get hold of myself, I was greatly taken aback.
“Ehmm, ehmmm, (I began to stammer) My friend, my lady,,ehmmm, sorry for how many months now” I asked her, I was no longer myself.
“I am in the six month ma” She said.
It was then I knew that he was fully aware of this. I wanted to scream at the Lady but the way she was looking at me made me sit down and also for the fact that I was heavily pregnant with twin. I could not do anything.
“But didn’t you know that he was married” I questioned her looking at her with all hatred in my eye.
“I never knew that he was married, he lied to me that he was single and anytime he comes to me, I never for once see wedding ring in his hand. The house he always term to be his own was for his friend, and when I come visiting his friends would say that he went to work, I tried to find out but still I could” The lady said to me.
“But why don’t you request to see his parent” I said to her.
She said she asked of his parents but he kept on telling her that they were not in Nigeria and that they were abroad. I was confused, as I could not say anything, is it that I should be preparing for second wife or what.
We were just looking at ourselves when Jude in company with some of his family members walked in. I was not needed to be told that they were there because of the lady that had been impregnated.
“Our wife, you see your husband has toyed with your trust and had eaten forbidden fruits outside and that fruit had made him to have another woman outside” one of them said.
“I don’t seem to understand sir, Jude what is going on, I need an explanation please,” I said to him.
He was just staring down, he was looking speechless.
“Am talking to you now, what is this all about” I asked him again even though I was full aware.
“So you went out inspite of how I satisfy you with everything that I have. I sacrificed so many things on your behalf but all that I could in appreciation is you impregnating another woman. What is the problem of men.” I said to him standing up with my heavy stomach. I could hear some murmuring from his relative some were condemning him 0f his action while some supported him that there was nothing bad in having two wives.
“I don’t want to see her again in this place or else, there would be trouble” I said with anger and all my strength that I began to breath heavily. My stomach was heavy I had to use my hand to support my back, it was aching serious. I made attempt to leave their presence in anger when I felt a sharp pain at my back. At first they thought I was not serious probably maybe I was faking the pain but when they saw some blood they became alerted, and rushed towards me,by then I had collapsed. I was rushed to the hospital where the doctor said I was about losing my babies and having premature delivery so they have to perform operation on me as he stated that stress, shock and straining of the nerve connected to my brain that made me almost loss the child. I was just lying there.
They performed the operation and I was happy that it was safe but there was something the doctor said to me.
‘Madame, if you know you want to live long, you must not stress your body, make sure you relax a lot and eat vitamins so that you will have strength or else you will lose your life,”The doctor said to me.
I wept on the hospital bed as I don’t know why I made the wrong choice, I had the chance to flee but I did not.
I spent like two months in the hospital and when I was discharged with my babies, a boy and a girl, I met a shock as Jude was already married to the Lady, it was a tug of war and hard life for me, I lost respect in her eyes since she gave birth also, I was not value in his house. I continued to live like that till now that I am sending this story. Although I have been making plans to build my own house, but my parents are against divorce. Jude even threatens me that if I leave him he will make life unbearable for me, he accuse me of cheating which I didn’t do. Life has been unbearable leaving with him.
This is my story. Thanks for reading, I know many will insult me that I should divorce quickly instead of suffering. But the reason why I posted this story is that the ladies in the house should not be blinded by love, if you are into relationship, note that $3x can not keep a man, if you are in any abusive relationship either the male or female. Don’t manage because of Love that he will change, be watchful, a partner that molest your physically before marriage will do that when you are married. So be careful. May we not marry our enemy and the spouse that will kill us. Although as for me, it is a regret on my part but I will scale through soon. My first Child is in the university while my twin are in secondary school.
Thanks for reading my story.
What did u learn?
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